When it was over I was devastated. Of course outside there's always joky and fun-to-be Isabelle, full of strength, ideas and passions and quite successful at work. But fuck - I was so lost. I still am a bit sometimes. I feel him, hear his voice, want to pronounce his name first.... Losing a Dominant - no matter how - is always a huge pain and that was yet another thing about BDSM that I've learnt. My relation with Milord was over after 2.5 years.
And so I started promising myself - never again, repeating - I can live without it, planning of not going into any kind of relationships anymore. I mean - how can I? Nothing will replace him, noone will be better and knows me that well..
Well... couldn't be done. I started - step by step like a drop making a hole in a hard rock - missing the lifestyle. Simple things, gestures, words... Sexually , mentally - finally in all. . . Something was screaming for being found again and became an inseparable part of me and my reality. The reality, which seemed so depressive.
My first life seems so happy. My vanilla relationship is great, job - responsible and good with perspectives, happy family. But I was not happy.
My Second Life gave me the chance to find what I was missing. P3 - a wonderful place with wonderful people gave the opportunity to feel safer and understood.
And then He appeared. After some time of not talking to each other (previously just as friends). After long conversations we felt we simply want it. Master is French, experienced and fun. Bit older than me but I secretly like it and prefer it (even though he does not believe me: ) ).
I feel and see that Sir needs this relationship as much as I do. I can see how much he's changed for better since we've met for the first time. How his face is smiling more and more when we talk every day. I feel and see every day how he supports and protects me - even now after that short time. I can also already feel good changes in me.
I feel safe. I feel protected. And we have something most important, something most valuable - tabula rasa.
Isabelle